Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Jack Chick draws a pretty grim picture (but that's only because he never went to art school)

Jack Chick is a real sonofabitch. Though he might claim to be a son of Abraham. Since 1960, he’s been drawing and publishing comics, or tracts, lauding the highlights of Fundamental Christianity. I urge you to flip through his work and get a sense of his virtue.

A self-proclaimed Independent Baptist, Chick is one of those darling zealots who focus more on what they don’t believe in than what they do. So he has a set of negative values if anything. To me, this is tantamount to ordering a sandwich strictly in exclusions: “No mayo, no tomatoes, no bread.” And while I’ve forgotten most everything I learned in Sunday school, I know my way around a sandwich. It should be ordered emphatically: Lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, cheese, and cheese!

To put it another way, I’m not down on Christians. Some of the people I love most are filled with Christ-love! In fact, I grew up pretty friggin’ devout. But the Christians I respect are stoked about a few things (not necessarily including poverty and chastity), primarily compassion, thankfulness, and those rad necklaces made of dead roses. So Goth chic.

So what doesn’t Jackie boy believe in?
Pre-marital sex (In fact, really anything fun when it comes to sex)
Your Mom

Those are to be expected. Here’s some of the fun ones:
Halloween (Chocolate does rot your teeth, so this could be practical)
Rock music, including Christian Rock (Christian Rock does rot your teeth, so this could be practical)
Modern Feminism
Harry Potter

Keep in mind anything on the list will send you hurtling toward hellfire. But here’s the one that makes him one of the worst people on Earth:
Dungeons and Dragons

That. Bastard. I have a level 15 Elven Cleric that says otherwise.

Over the decades, Chick has created hundreds of comics detailing all the ways in which we can be condemned to hell, and he’s even had some comics “adapted for Black audiences.”

For Chick beginners, I say start with the delicious classic (and a sodomite’s worst nightmare) “Doom Town,” in which the gays plot to give blood and infect the whole world with their basically congenital AIDS.

Jack Chick, you aren’t one of the worst people on Earth because you’re kind of a dick. And you’re not one of the worst people on Earth for spewing concentrated hatred to the masses. You’re one of the worst people on Earth for making a profitable business out of lies, hatred, and really mediocre artwork. I’d mention one of your redeeming qualities, but you’re just a rusty old tool.


Evan said...

Chick has been spotted in Seattle!

At first i was like:

Then i was all:

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